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Jun 30, 2011

0 ER Monstrosity, Complaint

It all started with my fiancee having stomach pains and needing to use the restroom around 2:30am on June 30th. She went downstairs to use the restroom and discovered that the toilet water was filled with maroon/bright red blood from her rectum. It looked serious to myself and my uncle, who checked with her, to see how much blood that she had lost and the color; she has never had this quantity of blood lost before. She has had previous rectal bleeding, what, typically, a hemorrhoid would normally do, but nothing this extreme. It has been off and on for about 4 months.

Afterwords, we debated on going for pure financial concerns and contemplated about the severity of the condition, but at last: we aren't doctors; we wanted to be safe, so, we took her into the emergency room.

She was in considerable amounts of pain throughout her stomach/ovaries and was very concern about her rectal bleeding; we were directed towards the first window to have the information about our visit gathered; the man taking the information was polite and sensible, and wished my fiancee her best: that she would get better. Also, he tagged her wrist with an informational band (her name, information, and so on...)

We went to sit in the waiting area of the emergency room for about 5 minutes, before the nurse came out to see my fiancee. My fiancee wanted me to go with her, because she distastes hospitals and wanted moral support: so, I went with her into the emergency room. Her assigned nurse directed her to wait in room: 4, of the emergency ward (The emergency ward looked abandoned, almost).

The nurse asked my fiancee about her medical information and seemed to listen to her; although, she isn't writing anything down but her name, and date, and other non-medical information at this point. As I watched her take down the information, I noticed at the end: there was, but, two measly lines of medical data on the form. Then, the nurse states that she will leave a container to collect a pee sample for her, in case she uses the restroom, and she will be back to collect it. And, this is when/where the trouble erupts.

10 minutes later, my fiancee needs to use the restroom and pees into the container (the nurse never offered her any pleasantries/necessities like: napkins/towelettes for her hands afterwords.) And then, we waited for a considerable amount of time; such a prolong amount of time that, my fiancee jokingly comments about: “the pee is going to ferment since it's been there for so long” (by this time, it's been, maybe, 45 minutes to an hour).

Someone was at the door again, it was the doctor. The doctor asked her about her condition (vaguely); it was: “what seems to be the problem,” then: “oh, that sounds like constipation...” He never asked her any detailed oriented questions about the rectal bleeding. He never tried to discover the cause through a prognosis methodology. But, he did enjoy asking her about her financial information and sexual activity (more than once). No, he just told her/assumed that it wasn't anything dangerous based on age and went with that assumption throughout the examination (if you would call it that). He manhandles/prods at her stomach with considerable force with his hands: by, pressing down on where she just described/stated her pain was. He then, proceeds to tell her that it is just constipation, but, he will give her some tests.

By this time, we were unhappy with how things was going, and, talking with ourselves about the need for them to take the pee, the next time they come back.

After another prolonged period of, maybe 30 minutes or so, the nurse comes back to collect the pee, and take it down to the lab. Then, she comes back to do the blood-work for her. This is where the torment begins. My fiancee has veins that likes to hide, she told them this from the beginning. She told them which arm that they usually used to draw blood; but, instead of taking blood from where she suggested, she took blood from a totally different arm and area altogether... And, it went like this:

She stuck her with a needle in her left arm (bottom-upper vein) and nothing came out. Then, she preceded to move the needle in 90 degree rotations, going in and out, trying to catch a vein to draw blood from. After about 30 minutes of prodding, there was a small amount of blood dripping down her arm- not into the needle. She wiped the blood with the needle still in her, acted like she got something (when it was obvious that she hadn't) and told her that she was going to flush it. So, she takes this device that looks like an air pump, and pumps pressure into her; no doubt, this was no fun for my fiancee. Then, when she didn't get anything, she says something, lightly, about her going for help and, never returns again; Instead, another nurse (or, so I would hope) comes in to help her. This is how it went:

He comes in like a bat out of hell, doesn't mention anything to my fiancee, but: you look familiar, have I taken your blood before... Then, he proceeds to wheel the bed around, cracks up the bed to an abnormal amount of height (5 feet or so) for someone to take blood, and starts manhandling her arm (he wasn't that tall). He pokes her with the needle, very apathetically, and gets no where (then, he does it again- without any luck). At this point, I mention to him that she usually get's her blood drawn from the top of her arm on her right. He acts very rude, like he is upset with my suggestion, and vaguely looks at the veins in her hands and where I mentioned. Then, without saying a word, pulls up the rail at the side of the bed (so, she won't fall off) and storms out of the room. And afterwords, another nurse comes in (this time, the supervisor of the nurses on duty in the ER.) This is how it went:

“I heard that you were being abused in here”, chuckle- not a promising introduction, to say the least... Then, she starts to ask her all these personal questions, as to form a rapport with her for their bad service... Then, She acts like she found a good vein (obviously she hadn't) and pokes and prods it to death. She continues to talk with her like they are friends (but, it was obviously an act). By this time, 20 more minutes had past. She, then, proceeds to ask her about her reason for being here, and on her condition (she acts like they will get to the bottom of it). Seeing how much pain my fiancee is in, I tell her about what my fiancee initially said, that they normally use the top veins. She, hesitantly, takes a look, feels around, and says that the vein is stiff in that area from her past draws. Nevertheless, she sticks her right there, instead of finding another vein around the area (which was painful for my fiancee) and still gets no blood. She tells my fiancee to blame this one on me, because she took my advice; She tells her that she never sticks anyone more than twice, and leaves (informs us that she will get a lab tech to take her blood-work).

Throughout all of these sticks, they always tried to tape up the insertion area with Latex tape, which she is allergic to; instead of asking her, like you would think they would do, if she was allergic, my fiancee and I had to mention it 5+ times already to the nurses.

A lab tech finally arrives and takes her blood-work. She draws the blood from the surrounding areas, just like my fiancee had always said, and it goes a lot smoother. Her blood coagulates because of the size of the needle, and the lab tech takes blood from another area. The lab tech gets just enough blood from her, and leaves to do the testing.

Note, that no one had offered her any medication for the pain, all during this time... When they knew she was hurting, that she rated the pain at 7 (at best) on their scale. They never took her pain seriously, or condition seriously, and brought her even more pain and torment...

Oh yea, another note, they were doing generator drills throughout this visit. The power would, without any notification, go on and off, on and off, every 30 minutes or so. How fun! And, they act like she is crazy for being scared by it...

And yet another note, the supervisor nurse comes back for a small time-period, to give my fiancee two plush animals (since my fiancee had plush animals with her, to comfort her). They obviously knew that they were doing her wrong, and probably would continue to do her wrong: so, they offered her a bribe... After that, we never seen the supervisor nurse again, never checked up on her, never seen how she was doing, nothing...

A while later, another nurse comes into the room, says that they are going to give her a pelvic examination: and that, I should leave. Then, she changes it to: leave or stay, or whatever I want (notice the mentality of these people that are suppose to help you); All the while, my fiancee and I are of the utmost manners. A little bit later, she cranks my fiancee up, spreads her legs, and sets her up for the examination (without the curtains drawn, without the doors fully shut, without any respect...) And this goes on throughout the examination (entering and exiting without modesty).

The doctor arrives, doesn't tell her what is going to happen, doesn't tell her what he is going to do, doesn't tell her what to expect, doesn't even acknowledge her. What he does do, is comical at best, if it wasn't so serious... This is how it went:

Sticks in a device that spreads her open, with a light attacked to it. Now, here is where the fun begins... Proceeds to have the device fall apart, doesn't know how to put it back together, asks the nurse how it works, and fumbles and drops things (exactly what I was thinking). Once he got situated, I kid you not, this is something that would come out of a deranged writer's mind: says, “Cervix, what is this popping out and moving, take a look, oh...” Now, if that doesn't inspire the greatest confidence and respect for a doctor, I don't know what will...

Then, he takes these long Q-tips (how fun) and jabs them into her for samples... Yes, shoves and jabs... What fun? And manhandles her down there. She is in agonizing pain (she's been diagnosed with painful periods: which she told them about) and they don't even bat an eye-lash, ask what is wrong, or show any gentlemen attributes; all along, the nurse looks at her with disgust and acts like she is crazy. Yes, the nurse actually watches her in pain, and says nothing. And, what's even more comical, afterwords, asks: “what now doctor?” If you think that trained monkeys could do a better job at this, you would be correct. It was like a demented circus: a cross between a Stephen King's novel and the Rocky Horror Show... If you seen the movie, you know exactly what I mean.

Then, if that wasn't enough, he was like: well, while we are done here, why don't we take a look at her anal region (Yes, the very anal region where the problem was actually located.) So, he shoves her body upward (when she told them that she had a pain in her tailbone) and shoved a device into her ass (which I was unaware was unlubed) Sigh, yes, you heard me correctly. Can it get any funner you may ask...Yes, yes it can...

After about 5 seconds, says that there was no blood, there was nothing wrong, and that she may have hemorrhoids. Oh yea, did I mention that he looked at his watch during the examination (someone needed to get off soon). Then, they set her back to normal and left the room in a fast fashion.

By this time, my fiancee is just almost in tears, and leaning to her side, feeling almost violated, and all I could do was comfort her. How sad, I know.

Later on, the doctor came back, said that she had no Std's (Doesn't take a rocket science to know that, or does it? She already told him that she was sexually inactive) And that, after looking at her, he can find nothing wrong with her, but the fact she might have a fissure or hemorrhoids... But, this is the part you had to be their to appreciate. He said it in such a half-assed, apathetic way, without concern or remorse, without a clue, that you have to wonder if he is even a real doctor, or, perhaps, a drunk on the streets... And, as you would imagine, he did it with shrugs (I knew you would enjoy that one.)

Not only were we unhappy with the diagnosis (if you can call it that), but he didn't even know what he was doing; and, was halfway out the door. Did I mention earlier that, he didn't even know what Etodolac was? What type of doctor doesn't know what Etodolac is... In any event, I had to ask him more about her problems. So, I said, “Would hemorrhoids cause such maroon colored blood, and in those quantities?” His response was: “I don't know, I don't know how much blood there was...” YES, you heard me correctly; the very questions that he was suppose to ask from the beginning, he still didn't know answers to (or even thought about). The very information that we gave to all of those nurses that drew the blood... So, he begins to bombard me with about 40 questions in less then 2 minutes about her condition (Yes me, not her) and, very testily, says, “Why don't we just call it hemorrhoids and call it a day”. Yes, you heard me yet again, that was said. So, I asked him again, “Couldn't the colon be a cause- I read that online?” He was like: “sure, could be, we would have to do a test to se...Wait, she doesn't have an IV, so...” Yes, you heard me right yet again...

Then, in the next moments to come, he said: why don't I come back when you reach a decision about what you want to do; Then, comes in and out of the room 5 different times in less than 1 minute (asking various questions about her condition). And, then, says, “this has been going on for 4 months? That isn't good, she needs to get seen by a stomach doctor; so, that is what we are going to do.”

Then, the nurse comes back with paperwork for her to sign, paperwork stating that she has hemorrhoids and that she needs to follow up with a stomach doctor (one that she has no money to pay, and has to find herself). I asked the nurse about her pain (that she needs something, at least in pill form) She goes, talks to the doctor, prescribes her something that she can't afford (doesn't give her anything there) and sends us on our way. Yes, sent without any medication...

While she is getting dressed, she says, “I need more plush animals than this...”

Then, on our way out, not that the horror was even over yet, we have to give information for billing to the front desk. By this time, there was someone else there, a very rude woman, that was apathetic and cold. She told her to sit down, but my fiancee couldn't sit because of the pain (and torture that they did to her). She said she had lots of information for her to give to her. She asked about insurance and all that. Then, asked about a phone number to reach us; we have no money, no jobs, and I am disabled: so, we stated that we had no phone (it was the truth). She scuffed at us, and said: what about for an emergency, what about this and that. I said, “this isn't my phone, but you can leave messages on it for emergencies and medical diagnosis.” She took it, and said: that's all, looked away, and didn't give us a second thought. Of course, they are probably going to use the phone number for collection purposes (not medical), not emergencies which I gave it under.

And, to end such a sad state of affairs, after 5 hours of being there, she had to walk home because there was no phone to use to call for a rid...

Do you think what they did was malicious? I hope so... Now, she is going to owe thousands of dollars unless something is done, and she will be unable to pay it. When she asked the lady before exiting about financial help: she just scuffed again, and said some half-assed response. When is our medical system doing to get back on track (if it ever was) and start treating people with respect and like human beings? Perhaps, if you are a dog, you would have great medical (if your owners have the money, that is).

Then, the icing on the cake, she went into the bathroom, wiped her anal region, and long behold: she was still bleeding... The very opposite diagnosis of the doctor.

We went through all this suffering, torment, and for nothing. If anything, her pelvic was even more inflamed (20 times worst), her back hurts 10 times worst, and she was even more worried. I contemplated while at home with my uncle: “what if she/or someone has something very serious, gets sent home, and wouldn't be able to go anywhere to get help...”

I leave this to you, as: food for thought...

0 The Silliest Things, quote

Everyone gets worked up about the silliest things- then, something important comes along, and no one wants to solve it. 

0 A writer's heart bleeds, haiku

A writer's heart bleeds
black ink filled with thoughts and dreams
changing it's own world

Jun 29, 2011

0 Broken Trust, haiku

The trust is broken
there is nothing else to say
window is open

0 God and Perfection and me, quote

God is the only perfection I have,

0 Outer Reflections, haiku

Outer reflections
like sky-blue upon water
masking our demons  

Jun 28, 2011

0 Spotlight and Darkness, quote

When you have a spotlight on you, everything is amplified, but darkness: even more so...

0 Opposition to gay marriages, commentary

Why do I oppose gay marriage?

How can I oppose the joining of two mutually consensual parties, who want to be married based on love (but, maybe not always). Why would I be so heartless and discriminatory (everyone should be equal?) How can this be... You may be thinking: he is a religious person, and you would be correct. But, let me explore this topic with you, so you can better understand the insights of my viewpoint (or at least be aware of them).
The basis for my opposing mentality is simple, it is against my personal foundation and morals, isn't that what it always comes down to. But, more than that, I'm against the trickling consequences that will be sure to follow.
You may think that morals are all subjective, but in my mind: they are not. Whether someone believes something to be true or not, doesn't diminish the reality of the matter. Sure, there are different perspectives: but that is just changing the nature of the outlook, not declaring the previous notion as false.
For example: Killing is wrong... Or is it? Perhaps, it is legitimized by the need to protect yourself and your family from being killed? That would be the exception to the rule, which derives from a new perspective.
Now that we covered that, I want to get back on track: people in general, want to live in a world that suites their outlook; Whether that outlook be subjective or not, it is based on their own sense of self (morality). People in support of gay marriage are doing it now; see, we are alike... Sure, people want others to base their reasoning and motivations from a completely logical standpoint. But, it doesn't always work as one intended.
For example: Why should slavery be outlawed? From a completely, logical standpoint (without involving heart and emotions) it seems quite beneficial to mankind. Throughout the ages, using slaves has been beneficial to many cultures. They aid in the development and productivity of the people; they help the advancement of mankind. Sure, there is abuse and neglect and suffering (lost of freedoms): but are those logical reasons? Or are those our morality coming into play... If they made it completely efficient without lost of substance: would there be any moral reason not to do it?
The point I am trying to make is: whether you want to admit it or not, we live by belief systems; perhaps, differentiating systems at that, but still: belief systems. Which brings us to my next point, people stating that gay marriages will have an “equality for all” result are deluding themselves (for reasons coming up).
What makes someone a hypocrite? At it's basic level: saying something and doing another in opposition of it. Or, perhaps, being ambivalently contrasted: and acting like there is none, as you choose the one most beneficial to you and disregard others points of view. Why do I bring this up? Because, having just gays become equal in marriage, while excluding other minorities is, not equality for all.
For example: Are you opposed to other minorities getting married? What about poly-amorous house-holds getting married? What about incest people getting married? What about bestiality people getting married to animals? Here is a controversial one: What about people wanting to marry boys/girls younger than 18? Perhaps, 16, or 14, or 12... (or prearranged marriages) Why are you against any of those minorities getting married (are they based on your morals) Or, if you would support them (would you outright support their cause just like your own, or are you lying?) Yes, this is what makes you a hypocrite, if you are for gay marriage and equality for all (and, you in contrast of that very principle in others, oppress them as you once were.) Or, perhaps, you make yourself feel justified by legitimizing it with some perspective that validates your outlook...
Now, to get back on track again, let's get back to what I meant by: trickling consequences of allowing gay people to get married. In order to be completely equable and fair with the law, you would have to allow other minorities to be-able to be legally married as well. And, that would just amplify the chaos and the changes necessarily to integrate the law (which may not be a bad thing); it would cause more imbalance and turmoil in our society. In addition, procreation would change all together, under the right conditions.
For example: If the majority of people became gay, and wanted to have children: they would have to resort to: Surrogate pregnancies, artificial inseminations, adoptions, and so fourth... (perhaps, cloning and genetics) In order to raise a family. Family values would change in order to adhere to the new trends of our society. People against the new changes would become discriminated against themselves. Without any other recourse, it might erupt into a civil war, if enough people felt strongly about it (and, giving enough time and changes). Of course, some of those activities are already occurring; and, you may not think that is all that bad of a reality. Also, their may be changes in how our genders interacts with one another in the future; and being divided, genders may grow further apart and become segregated (perhaps, even discriminatory).
Sure, these are hypothetical outcomes: which may never take place. Perhaps, the world may become better for those that it suites. But, where do you draw the line at the lost of our moral foundation? I am not advocating hatred or discrimination, or anything negative. You can have differentiating belief systems without malice towards one another. You can understand each others points of views, and not always agree with one another. But, for people who are opposed to it, they will start living in a world that goes against every fiber of their being.
Take care,

0 Crossed Souls, quote

People's souls are crossed between Heaven and Hell, and that is only the beginning...

0 Freedoms and Oppressions, quote

Having unregulated freedoms, will eventually lead to: no freedoms...

0 Pictures and Souls, quote

Having a blog, is like taking a picture of your soul; and each time you do it, a little more of you gets stolen...

Jun 27, 2011

0 Nature's Beauty, quote

Nature’s beauty comes from our love for life.

0 Shadow-Box world, quote

In the night’s sky, there is an obsidian sea, like a shadow-box, that showcases the life upon this rock.

0 Emotions and Notions, quote

The heart only listens to emotions, and the mind only listens to it’s own notions. And, in the end, we are divided between two intoxicating potions.

0 Heavens and Beauty and Opposites, quote

The beauty of looking up into the heavens, is the exact opposite of, looking down at our world.

0 Purpose and Substitute, quote

Being busy is a poor substitute for having purpose.

0 Clouds steal our thoughts, haiku

The blue sky reflects
harmony within ourselves
and clouds steal our thoughts

0 Diminishing sun, haiku poem

Diminishing sun
turns the sky in shades of blush
clinging not to go

To not give way to
Night’s darkness and foreign stars
and nightmares uncaged

to wander our rooms
hide in the corners of our
eyes and in our minds

daylight has gone to
another lover in awe
of color and hue

0 Light the fire of your eyes, haiku poem

Light the fire of
your eyes, in complete darkness
residing behind

In the undergrowth
of your soul, where no one knows
the dark truth that grows

0 Midnight’s summer’s rose, haiku poem

Midnight’s summer’s rose
dressed in skimpy lingerie
filled with mischief’s pose

Scampering about
upon dew with champagne glass
looking up in awe

Through moonlit leaves and
stars dangling in black sea
waiting for solstice

Her eyes lit with fire
homes glow in the night and call
her flaming white eyes

0 Hardships and Maturity, quote

As we grow into adults, we learn to embrace and accept who we are and handle the hardships of life with knowledge and responsibility; We develop our understanding of the world around us and the consequences of our actions; We learn through our interactions, how to handle ourselves: this is the process of our maturity

0 What's wrong with our society, quote

Shows like: The Simpsons, Family Guy, and South Park, is the epiphany of what's wrong with our society...

Jun 26, 2011

0 Telepaths, Empaths, and the Internet, quote

Since the evolution of the internet, we have all become mind-readers; not in the practical sense, but still, it's there. People sharing their minds with the world, undoctored, without restraints; And, as I have always thought and waited for: the censorship of our thoughts has begun, the chaos has arrived, the freedom's are being slowly crushed under the oppression's that we so long for...

0 Manners and Realization, quote

Having manners is the realization that other people inhabits their own space.

0 Spirit Flower, haiku

A spirit flower
dangling like deep red grapes
my heart's offering

0 Commentary about my purpose in life

That is a question that isn't easily transcribed into words, and could take a lifetime to realize in it's entirety. However, my main purpose in life is to live a life that is: Christ-like. In today's age, when people don't believe in God as much as they use to, when religious believers are labeled as fanatics, hypocrites, naive/ignorant, hateful, and so fourth, it's hard to hold a strong foundation, but tests are what life's about.
Besides being for God/Jesus/ and the Holy Ghost, we all have our individual purposes that we define. For me, I would like to believe one of my purposes is: to become a writer and change the world through my words. Other-than-that, could be to have a family, raise my children, protect my love ones (strangers, and people I may have evil thoughts towards). And, perhaps, one of the most important purposes is: to grow in love, as a person, and remain true to who we are.

Take care,

0 Living is about, quote

Living is about, making the extra effort, taking the extra steps; It's about, not just living for yourself, but for others. It's about, fulfilling your dreams, accomplishing your purpose in life. It doesn't have to, change the universe, just change your own world.

0 Big words, quote

A big word is not a word that is big in length, but deep in meaning.

Jun 25, 2011

0 Showing Respect, quote

Showing respect, isn't just about showing respect to others, but respecting yourself.

0 Obsessions and Possibilities, quote

Obsessions diminishes life's possibilities.

0 Learning, Growth, and Lessons, quote

Learning the correct lessons in life, is what furthers our growth. Just like, learning the wrong lessons, diminishes our worth. And, diminishes the cause behind it.

0 Ambivalence and Hypocrisy, quote

Life if full of ambivalence; And in such, lies the hypocrisy. Like, to want difference, and yet condemn the different. Like, to want freedom, then condemn other's freedoms. To find resolution in the subtle variances, to find the exceptions.

0 Compromising and Lost, quote

Compromising doesn't mean you have to loose anything, just means, you gain a new perspective.

0 Helpful and Forgiving, quote

Being forgiving doesn't mean you have to be ignorant. And, being helpful doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

0 Rain and Rainbows, quote

A life falling apart is like the rain, and hope and faith is like waiting for the rainbow.

0 Thoughts and Acceptance, quote

You're only as popular as your thoughts are. If you don't relate to anyone, or cause them to relate to you, than, you won't be accepted in this life until someone does. Therefore, have comfort in the few people that listens to you; And, be content with yourself.

1 Question on Reader and Author intimacy

How much should readers know about an authors politics, beliefs, and life-views ?

Should they know, only as much as the author writes about, or do you think they should know more?

I, for one, think that getting too personal with the authors, destroys the romance of reading their work. Unless, one happens to be like, who the author is.

Jun 24, 2011

0 People now days, quote

People now days have no morals, ethics, or respect. Everyone today thinks everything is subjective and needs to be substantiated. People now days are hypocrites and freer than ever to cause just as much evil as good. People now days doesn't apply to all, but could.

0 Manipulation and Desires, quote

People respond well to manipulation, because they desire to be manipulated.

0 Absolution and Resolution, quote

What is perfection, but the absolution of our souls... And, our continuing resolution towards the heavens.

0 Both Choices, quote

If you can't choose both, some people lives without either...

0 Boundaries within Ourselves, quote

There are boundaries within us that are not meant to be crossed; they are different for each individual; and it applies differently to people in different ways, even to ourselves. And, once they are crossed, it unleashes a side you never knew.

0 Forgiveness and Friendship, quote

The most important ingredient in friendship is forgiveness; without it, we as sinners would have no friends.

Jun 23, 2011

0 Hypothetical Worries, quote

Most worries are based on hypothetical possibilities that could go wrong. In reality, you can't see the future. Usually things works out.

0 Strength and Weakness, quote

Being strong doesn't mean you can't show your weaknesses.

0 Disassembling and Me, quote

disassembling me into something academic, how unthoughtful

0 Evilness and Excitement, quote

Evilness often masquerades as thrilling excitement, but the reality of the fact is: it's often far from what it seems. And the consequences of its fulfillment is: ironically the opposite of what we'd expect.

0 Nothing and Everything, quote

Giving away something that means nothing to you, but everything to someone else: has its appeal

0 Falling Apart and Life, quote

In all truth, my life is falling apart, and I am just trying to pick up all the pieces...

0 Listening to the rain, quote

Listening to the rain makes me forget all about my problems, but just for a second

1 Problems and Life, quote

Sometimes, problems are not all that they appear to be. Sometimes, people are meant to face their problems on their own. Sometimes, can become a lot of times. And, one has to accept: the world's problems are not their own...

Jun 22, 2011

0 Insanity and Sanity, quote

Insanity is seeing a darkness that the sane cannot fathom.

0 Answers and Questions, quote

Answers begins with questions; And, one should never stop questioning oneself and the world.

0 Fault and Ourselves, quote

Our ability to find fault in ourselves, is one of our greatest attributes. For, how can we improve ourselves, if we can't discern what needs work.

0 Strength and Heart, quote

Strength comes from a strong mind, and a strong heart; to embrace happiness and endure strife. And, to have faith that God will never give you too much to handle; To not worry about tomorrow or yesterday, only to bare what is right now.

Jun 21, 2011

0 Change and Consequence, quote

Change demands consequence that equals the amount of change

0 Comparing Yourself, quote

When you compare yourself with the world, you loose yourself within it.

0 Falling apart, song lyrics

Work in progress...

Falling apart
heartaches to heartbreaks
music in the dark
never any dawn breaks

Angels and demons
monsters inside
missing pieces
broken at my side

My heart is shattered
reflections sharp as knives
within the colors, my eyes slowly dies

Tear drops to crystal
accumulating inside
scars and tissue
unable to hide

I'm falling apart
my health is long gone
laying here in the dark
replaying the same, old song

(repeat from beginning one more time)

Jun 18, 2011

0 Roses and Flame, song lyrics

My heart beats only for you
it beats for the pains of just us two
two beats for every drop of rain
counted by the angels, numbered and named

Every name, a forgotten song
weathers untamed, daylight's long gone
and the moonlight, makes your eyes like roses
two tangling, white flames
matching our poise and poses

What's in a kiss
between me and you
like starlight bliss
wishes only for you
and the world is shut off
shut off, for just us two

And the tap-dancing beats
of our feet caught up on music sheets
pulsates down the streets
all caught up in urban blue

Silhouettes and shadows
upon the theater of our love
reflections of two hearts, dancing above

Between street lights and starlight
and everything that's gone wrong
when we are together
we dream 'til dawn

Dark and alluring
a demon upon the ground
glaring and purring
in the darkness I can drown
this forbidden pleasure
romanced by my lover's bound

Stealing away the secrets of my voice
my love always choosing the same choice
and we just dance along
different scenery, but just the same, we belong

We belong from the beginning to the end
from the first moment of perfection, to the eternal depths of sin
and our love is, one of the same
a contrast of, roses and flame

And I'll forgive her, to the depths of my soul
through hardships and, the beauty we grow
imperfections alike, eyes tuned to the same light
quantumly entangled, roses of the night

Jun 16, 2011

0 My, Playing with Fire, Rock Song Lyrics

Playing with fire, before we expire
with death's brother, the sandman's thunder
and the Grim reaper is guitaring
notes in the air are battling and sparring
and Midnight's rocking, rocking out...
dressed in moonlight roses

Between daydreams and starlight
love and inferno hell
the nanos between our kisses
is the distance our souls are nailed

In blood and fury
in teardrops and yells
our souls are weary
from all the moments we have dealt

Playing with desires, before our mind tires
Death's juggling flames and heart-filled lighters
and Midnight's playing with the rhythms of lust
Sandman's drumming to the heart beats that are all afuss
and Guardian Angels are rocking out, rocking out on the floor

Hearts pressed together
between midnight and dawn
the nanos that separates us, a universe that's not so long
and even though are eyes are closed
our dreams rolls along

Through nightmares and teddy bears
through hardships and song
event through, when we are apart
when we are make believe
we share a heart and it's easy for it to be deceived

Whip her with her laces
bound her with your ties
scratch her until she embraces
bite her down to her thighs

And sing sweet, exotic lullabies
pulling her hair like a leash to your eyes
And sing to her sweet, exotic lullabies
giving her butterfly kisses, until her eyes light like fireflies

Paste the kisses like petals upon water
whisper to her the tastes of forbidden rides
fill her with genuine wonder, elicit within her a sensual surprise
that tamed hunger, tamed and arise

And drink, drink from those sexual-filled eyes
Love and lust, scantily disguised
fulfill the needs, needs for lies
dreams and intellectual, intellectual highs

Playing with pleasure, before it becomes never
I'm rocking out on the bed
Grim's jamming with the dead
And Midnight's flirting with the band
Sandman's keeping time with the sand
and angels are rocking out, rocking out in the air

Hearts covered in white flames
sleep amplified by the drumming rains
another world calls from inside
traveling along: Insanity's musical amusement park ride

Down the roller coaster rides
through the dark, scenic tunnels inside
exhibitions of ambitions, renditions surmise
of sweet, forbidden lies

Of sweet, forbidden lives
revealing everything that is inside
Of sweet, forbidden tastes
pleasure written all across her face

Laced with imperfections, dark impressions
with love, reflective delusions
addictive illusions
to satisfy this thrill inside

Playing before sleep, before we fall deep
diving deep into this insanity
getting lost in our humanity
and the aesthetics are out of control
the Sandman's dust is taking a toll
and Midnight's lulled
lulled to sleep

Jun 15, 2011

0 Life and Second Chances, quote

Sometimes in life, you only have so many second chances...

Jun 13, 2011

0 Limitations and Deviations, quote

Limitations also provides new deviations

Jun 11, 2011

0 Facebook, Facial Privacy: Commentary

My Article about Google Goggles privacy infringing possibilities, that I did a while ago.

Sure enough, facial recognition is becoming a privacy problem, with: Facebook. The link above (former, rather than latter) shows that Facebook has a feature that recognizes and automatically saves your facial data on its system, and you are automatically opted-in for this feature when you upload a photograph.

Facebook seems to have nonchalantly/casually implemented this feature: why would they not have incandescently implemented this feature without any ulterior motives: makes one wonder...

Facebook seems to have an opted-out feature for this (buried in their settings) and, a way to contact them for deleting your private, facial data from their system (an inconvenient e-mail process).

We need to protect our privacy in these changing times of information distribution- or lose what precious privacy we have...

Jun 9, 2011

0 How much would you pay to subscribe to my blog?

After thinking for a while, I thought about the idea of subscribed blogs and wondered if anyone would pay a small, monthly fee for my blogging content. Or content that was premium, such as: story chapters, longer poems, and essays. So, I propose this to my readers: would you pay a monthly fee to have such content, and if so: how much?

Thanks in advance for your feedback- Take care,

Jun 5, 2011

0 Thinking and words, quote

If you can't find use for complex words, you're not thinking hard enough :)

0 Future and past quote

Thinking only about your future, makes you bump into your past

0 What's a good conversation, quote

A conversation of intellectual and emotional depth which explores the human condition.

Jun 4, 2011

0 Power and Money quote

You can have the money, I'll have all the power :)

0 The Equations of questions quote

The questions within us for ourselves is greater than the questions we have for others

Jun 3, 2011

0 Erase, Sins, and Ourselves quote

Erase our imperfection and we erase ourselves :)

0 Erase, Sins, and Ourselves quote

Erase our perfection and we erase ourselves :)