0 Deprived my Wings by Ashley Quebedeau

My life is over and now here i am at the gates of heaven thinking while walking up the golden stairs that its my time to live in peace and not worry about anything else Yet when i get to the top my breathe is ataken seeing that im denied to come in My first thoughts are What did i do to not be in a great place like this? Then my thoughts hit me I indulged in the sins around me Knowing full well that i was a angel before hand and that i know right from wrong but my head and heart are not on the right path and this is what i get My wings taken away from me oh my precious wings that i loved so much that it shakes me to my very core Feeling ashamed of what ive done and nothing to take it back I weep for my shame and hopefully God will hear this and take me under his wings.

0 Broken Butterfly by Ashley Quebedeau

A young maiden stares straight into her vanity mirror Staring hard into the milky glass and she doesn't see her reflection but of someone totally different It shows this girl made from porcelain Never to break Never to have a fear Nor emotions at all but what people don't know that this maiden is made up of  smooth china Is finally chipping to the very  core of her being yet she trys to keep the mask on so selfishly where no one can see the tragedy she has gone through to overcome the obstacles in her life and at that same moment her past flashes before her remembering all the people who abused her and feeling her own heart succumbing to the dark side to fulfill the dreams she always wanted to be in this masked person until she finds out that she is alone in this ugly world   her fantasy world crumbles around her leaving her so called fantasy world a mess inside her mind trying to pick up the pieces that fell before her feet staring at each one with awe and amazement how she build this place inside her mind after the awe went away, her mind had to figure out if the pieces could be placed back together thats when things started to twist and tangle into this oblivion that leaves her mind so boggled she doesnt know what to do Each step she takes is a lacy web that untangles into billions of branched feelings and worlds that could or would be her so called home Step after step becomes a numbing ice to her heart and soul feeling each footstep becoming harder to move forward in this choas of worlds She trys to find out who she really is.... This monster she set herself up to be or this butterfly that can do what she wants and be free from everything that held her wings shut on her Yet these thoughts are confusing and breaking her soul to the very core weary days of thinking of death breaks her beat sets her back from the healing process till that one sparkling evening that she finally found herself in the hazy fog standing there...waiting for her to take the porcelian mask off and to be who she is which is this beautiful gothic butterfly with stitches covering her body wings ripped in places hair askewed everywhere that she runs to her vanity mirror once again ready to reveal who she is in this milky glass and sees that she has grown into this beautiful butterfly once and for all

0 Black Clouds by Ashley Quebedeau

black clouds drift over the full moon
leaving a shadow over this girl

leaving her to herself
in a world of chaos
thats somehow my own little world

yet i feel myself running around in my mind
and seeing walls 
that cage me inside this dead shell
called my body

why do i have to be so lost?
where did i go?
who did i become?

are mostly the questions that run through my mind
as the clouds cascade around my soul

leaving me feeling empty and broken
with no one to save me from myself

while questions swirl around in my head
leaving images of hurting myself 
and the urges of doing it over and over again

when there is no pain inside this zombie 
of a body i have

i think why should i hurt 
when i can take it out on myself

and then it dawns on me that 
i take anything thats sharp
and carve it in my arm

just so i can feel some relief 
in this upside down world of mine
and then the real me comes out of this
comatose alterpersonality

that the clouds erode away
to show a fragile girl
coming out of the darkness
and shining brightly for once in her life


but in the end when the girl 
is finally free from all the evilness 
she has done to herself
that theres no way to erase 
the damage i have done to myself

0 Broken Girl by Ashley Quebedeau

memories come up thinking why did it have to happen to me? my heart is broken so many times that i cant even pick up the pieces anymore thinking why should i go on with life when i feel like my soul was ripped out of me always walking around like a zombie in this hazy world i call mine To many years of being broken to many years thinking of what happened to many years of cutting so its time for me to pick my life back up and try to make the best of it and not thinking of the past but the future...of people who love me no more pain for me to take on no more tears to shed for anyone tired of being broken that its time to pick myself up and get on with life of what it should have been in the first place but when i look at my past i always wanted it to be so good with me being happy instead of being broken and not healing from everything happening so fast that my heart cant keep up with my mind always making me feel like im nothing when i can be something even in the future...but the past is so hard to let go all the memories pushing to the surface flashbacks hitting me from all sides not giving me a time to take a breathe from the ocean im sinking in from all the guilt,memories that have consumed me in this whirlpool call my pit of emptiness and sorrow Who can help me from drowning in my own thoughts? Who will save me from me hurting myself? Does anyone hear me?? Im screaming on the top of my lungs but it seems im a mute Trapped in my mind as a prisioner from hell No one to hear me No one to help me No one to know how much i hurt

0 Old Flames by Ashley Quebedeau

old flames spark your inner core once again somehow finding a way back into your heart and feeling like you dont want this old love affair to come back into your life somehow it sneaks back into your heart giving you the unexpected feelings again and leaves your heart searching through each chamber if the person you are with now is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with while these tangled web of lies fill your head you start to wonder what else is wrong with you and why these old feelings coming into play when you've forgotten these silly memories years ago so why are they back again?

1 Haunted Story by Ashley Quebedau

little ribbons of rose petals cover my flesh   feeling the smoothness so velvety...like its not my skin   Can this be so real or am i dreaming in a fantasy world   made up of lost characteristics of me playing some role in my mind   Some so twisted...i dont understand their true meaning in the real world   one little girl feeling so numb inside that she cuts her arm just to find that bliss again but somewhere deep inside her mind she feels like a zombie...dont know where to turn feeling like shes in a maze..cant get out of it trapped forever to this feeling... like her soul is bound to this feeling   she tries running away from this zombiness but her world is turning upside 180 in just a blink of an eye   kinda like she got lost in alice in wonderland all the craziness that took over her mind finally coming to life inside this loonyworld called her world   wondering if shes sane...or if she lost her soul a long time ago..when people took advantage of her   not remembering what happened to the old emily but this new emily has frigthen her out of her wits realizing she doesnt want to become this person but she doesnt have a choice/voice in this matter at all   its like all her senses turned for the worst that they tingle for that one tiny thing in the back of her mind and yet she doesnt want to give in to it again   feeling that scent grow stronger and stronger as the minute passes by...feeling her joints tense up her whole body tingling for that passion of blood   feeling it warming her veins up with the special antidote making her feel alive for only a little while till she feels the numbness come back....and the vicious cycle returns again...   How will she ever get rid of this curse in her body? how will she defend her body when the withdrawl starts up? will she give in again and feed upon another soul...just to keep alive then somehow another little girl comes to her...pushing her out and taking over now   this one feels like anger rising through her very soul turning everything around this poor souless girl to bitterness making every living thing with and turn black with hatred   seeing her eyes grow black with fury hair flying furiously around her face seems like she cant control it   feeling the bitterness seep into her bones knowing something deep inside her...she wants to engulf the flames and let everyone see the true monster of her being   never to be afraid of this anymore its time for her to show true form show them how powerful she is.... what she can do to those who mess with her   yet something is tugging at her heartstrings relaying a message to tell her to move aside its time for this other form to come to play but the bitterness and anger dont want to give in to whatever it is thats shouting at her.....   holding on to the barren trees deep inside her soul she greedlys stay inplace...not budging for this creature to show whos boss after a while she begins to tire...feeling the grogginess grip her her hands slipping slowly off the tree.....finally showing the weaker side of herself and cries in vain for showing this kind of weakness..and disappears just as quickly as she appeared   Then this biazzare creature steps into the blinding light gazing out the bare window of this ragged little shop thinking how this creature became what he is   is it from what has happened to the poor little soul that makes all these fantasies up? or is he real...and just wants to make believe that this is some daydream   shaking his shaggy hair to get rid of the awful things in his head he feels something inside of him that wants to break free but feels that something is locked inside his chambered heart that no one can unlock this ice cold cellar doors   but this blood lust monster feels that burning desire that someday some little girl is going to unlock those unforbidden doors and show what lies behind them   that they can start to recover this young girl they take over each night...that she doesnt know whats real or fantasy just some twisted tunnel that never becomes a happy ever after for her just some nightmares to replay inside her head   make her scream in the middle of the night to wake up sweating and thinking it happened again shaking from head to toe....and then somehow the personalites she made up washes over her   she calms down..feeling whatever desire she wants feeling she can go back to bed and never wake up from that haunting dreams again   but oh is she mistaken...that this awful nightmare will play till the day she dies and she will be haunted by them from the souls she created inside her twisted mind   laughing,,,taunting her soul making her feel weary,uncertain of her sanity that she goes to the bathroom mirror to see if she is real or something made up in a gross story   she sees something totally ghost like in the mirror and it scares her...that she smashes her fist into the glass feeling the blood ooze out of her fist   screaming WHERE AM I????? screaming that for hours on end till she stops...stares at her hands   gazing at the maroon stains and sparkling  sliver of glass in the cuts that she realizes that its time to put an end to this haunting story   she feels so lost that she kneels on the cold tiled floor rocking herself back and forth contemplating if she should rewrite a different ending or to keep it as it is and just finish it right this moment   another few hours passes by...feeling her body grow colder by the second that she finally comes to a conclusion and that she must take her life just to make this ugly story stop playing inside her head   she gets to her feet very slowly....using the sink as a prop she smiles at herself in the broken glass... and says," goodbye my poor sweet innocent soul its time to finish this story now".......   she then takes a shard of glass thats fallen in the sink and slashes her wrist,arms,legs,stomach to pieces feeling the blood stain her gorgeous satin dress   instantly she falls to the ground hitting her head on the tiled floor slipping into unconscience.... she sees that her story is finally fading to blackness and that is the last time you saw her ocean eyes or soul again.

1 Crimson Tears by Ashley Quebedeau

Crimson river of droplets fall to the tiled floor as I watch my hazy eyes stare back at this different person in the mirror   Some reason she has lost all her senses not wanting that metal door unlocked where in some sense she may loose her mind and somehow her soul   Feeling it soar out of her body flying somewhere else and to never come back to her   The only way these haunting feelings will go away is cutting her soft dainty flesh   watching as the blade slides gracefully across her arm   Rose petal droplets form on her arm after a few minutes, more flows freely out of her veins, writing a sad story on her arms   Showing the hardships of her life feeling that she doesnt belong in this world   Only to wander around an unknown cemetary where she finds her tomb without any problems   Dropping to her knees the empty feeling washes through her body as she gazes at her tomb of sorrow and doom   She ponders,"will anyone know me"? will anyone take this emptiness yet no one comes to rescue her   Doesnt hear any leaves rustling underneath any shoes and the dread comes back with old memories that flood her thoughts   Tears glisten her ocean eyes springing cystal water down her pale cheeks, as the hunger comes back Consuming her mind   Feeling that painful tingle all through her alertness springs forth her wretched body making her bones tense with the growing hunger   Looking around for something sharp to penetrate her soft flesh but nothing couldnt be found in the broken land   Just broken tree branches lay fallen all around her and nothing else close to the sharpness   she picks up a branch...starts digging it into her arm...feeling the pain come over her   She screams with a clarified voice satisfied what she has done to her arm the hunger dies down a bit....only to make her think clearly for the moment till the cycle started again   Never to stop...till the pain finally dies in her body...and she will never know how long that will be

0 Goodbye My Sweet Lab Baby by Ashley Quebedeau

I will miss your pretty black face always jumping on me to lick my face and want attention   Miss your light brown eyes looking straight back at me knowing when im in pain   Nudging my arm to put your head in my lap to consult my pain and just want some company   I'll never forget you you will always be in my heart and no one can take that away   Your memories will burn strong in my mind....for years to come   and hope one day i will see you again   play and laugh with you again just like in the old days   i miss you girl and hope you have a wonderful life