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Sep 26, 2008

0 Dead to the World by Ashley Quebedeau

Hidden bubble thoughs
pop into your shallow mind

Only thinking of how to satisify
your own needs
Never considering what I wanted
out of this relationship

Did it ever occur to you that my heart
was in this twisted maze of yours?
Or was it your needs that just wanted me?

Do you even love me?
Or do you want another girl
to replace the memories
we've shared for awhile

Is it my fault
that I drive you into another girls arms

Am I that kind of monster
that you have to flee from me

To relieve your pains on someone else
instead of talking to me?

I was infront of you
all this time.....but I guess I
was the invisible housemaid

Just for you to wipe
your shoes all over me

Just for you to say I love you
and dont really mean it

The emptiness of those words
make my heart turn to ice

and to never trust anyone
with my fragile heart and mind

That you make me slip
in and out of sanity
from sometime now

That its hard to tell
whats real and what fiction

You've turned my fantasy world
into a barren cold land instead

Seeing this poor fallen angel
crying crimson tears

for the heartache that has happened to her
and can see the burdens all over her weary body

wings turn to bits
never to be repaired by human hands

she raises her head to the sky
and ask God why she has to hurt so much

Why confusion has to set heavy in the
pit of her stomach

Why visible/invisible scars
stay inside her mind

When all this angel ever wanted
was that one person to believe in her

and pick her up from the tainted evil
int he world
To purify her body from the
darkness that consumes her shaken body

will that love ever come back
ash she ponder on the open stars

will anyone feel ow she feels

in this maze
called a world

0 Old memories of your tainted face by Ashley Quebedeau

Why do I feel hate and regret
each time I see your face?

You always said"You be there for me no matter what"
HA that turned out to be a lie

Everytime I went to you
saying I wanted to cut myself

You would look at me and say
I dont have time for your petty problems......
Go to someone who cares

That day you crashed my hopes
into tiny shards of glass

tainting them with acid
so I couldnt pick the pieces up
and put them back together

You always wanted me to be around you
to help you with your problems

But in reality you put me down more than i needed.
Why didnt YOU try to help ME???
Why didnt YOU stop MY SUFFERING????

Did you like seeing me in pain?
Seeing me sad and without a voice?

Why didnt you speak to me
when i was upset?when my demons
were attacking me

Why didnt you try to help me
fly away from those demons???

Did you really want me to stay
chained to that miserable damp wall

replaying those awful memories
making me feel like im the bad man

when in reality it was YOU!!!!
YOU were the on tainting my soul

drowning me in your own problems
and never letting me up for air

Was you scared that I would have a voice?
Speak my mind and show how awful you was to me?
Was that it??

Someone you can mess with
try to own my heart,my thoughts

Cuz you was never there for me
when I though my world burnt down

I have to many bad memories of you
always seeing how you treated me

All it did was make me more depressed
feeling that i was alone in this world

That no one could ever help me
pick up these acid glass shards
and make me whole

Well your WRONG!!!!!
I finally have that someone

Someone who would love you no matter what
and help pick up your broken self
and make you whole

You will never have that
if you keep up with your snotty
self-pitied attitude

People will leave you
and you can feel that loneliness ive
felt for years

Inspired by Tourniquet by Evanescence...

Sep 18, 2008

0 This is fucked up...The story on Gallatin High School

Okay i found out through my mother that my old high school Gallatin High School in Gallatin,Tennessee had a rumor that gang members where going to come to school tomorrow Sept. 19, and shoot at the prep rally or at the homecoming game. All the kids where scared that they called their parents or texted them and got out of their.. Now whats fucked up is that the principal of the school is begging the kids to come to school tomorrow and that its safe to come. A..its not safe..I went to that school for 4 years and anyone could steal your id(which we had to wear/with our pic and name on it) and act like you and get through the school and can have a gun and no one will know about it.B. hes saying that its just a rumor and that the gang members are not going to go through with it. What the fuck is wrong with him...I know these gangs..Crips and Blood and they will definately kill anyone.. They have already threaten my sister..saying if she gets in the way they will shoot her..just to get revenge for their gang. Why would these people joke about this..its a real threat and the principal of the school wants to risk the lives of these children..and saying that they have security..HA no they dont..They have you can say RENT A COPS WITH NO GUNS..and dont have that many cops there with the thousand of kids that go if this took place they wouldnt be able to take care of these kids. All this principal is doing is sweeping it under the rug and wants to make Gallatin High School look like its a safe school to go mother caught him in several lies.. The reason he called my mother is saying that my sister has to make up two sessions of ESD(EXTENDED SCHOOL DAY) for kissing her boyfriend after shcool hours. Hes more concerned about that than this threat..and the other lie was that when he called her there was a FULL ASSEMBLY going at that dad flew at the school to get my sister and said it was dead... no one there except for cops.. so how could there be a full assembly going on??You tell me that. It just makes me freakin mad that the principal is worried about ESD,ISS,OR ANY OTHER DISCIPLINE FOR THE KIDS BUT NOT THE THREAT OF GANG MEMBERS. What the fuck.. you get to see how these fuckin hicks think..and its fuckin backwards. They dont care about these children..only that the school is open each and everyday. I would love it if someone will comment and tell me if this is right... and oh by the way the principal said that the PREP RALLY AND THE HOMECOMING IS STILL ON...thats messed up cuz thats when the gang members are really going to shoot..and thousands of people are going to be there.... its going to be another COLOBINE SHOOTING..and no one in that town wants to think there are any gang members in the county or any shootings gonna go on. I just wanted to clear my mind about this cuz it blows my mind away. Sorry for all the bad language and how long it is.. but its really is messed up... I have more common sense than any other hick there. Thanks for listening. Ashhy

Sep 14, 2008

0 Fairytale World by Ashley Quebedeau

Fairytale land had just crumble
in this broken girls mind

all the positive thinking
ripped out of her mind and heart

nothing to grasp on to
nothing that has to do with reality

and look into this ugly world
knowing she's all alone

in this evil and black world
where her demons had shackled her to the wall
and replay her awful memories

but she knows
that she can never rebuild her fairy tale world

and this breaks her heart
knowing that all her love is gone

that despair and hate
consumes her broken heart

just to weave evil thoughts and dreams
inside her soul
and that this broken girl
is a mere demon now.

0 Restless Soul by Ashley Quebedeau

Fragile minds crack so easily
give into love and get heartache
for what they have done

let them wither away
since no one wants to love them
just to hurt their heart each and everyday

why wander around this lousey world
when no one want you in their lives

You try to be happy
and try to make the loved ones happy as well

but thats just another failure
another flaw to reflect back

and see how stupid you've become
just to see this screwed up person

trying to live in a lalaworld
that makebelievable stuff will come true

when in reality
its just more heartache and pain
that will never go away

To many scars on your arms
and on your heart
that your mind keeps swirling back to killing yourself

and lay in that comfy coffin of yours
and think, no one cared in the world
and your better off this way

Just to live lonely in your limbo world
and to day dream about your broken dreams

and slumber away under restless stars
knowing that a happy ever after is never
gonna come for you

0 Poem at midnight

She makes me happy
but I'm not happy with myself

She loves me unconditionally
but there's too many conditions for myself to think about

She loves me for who I am
but I want so much to be someone else

She loves me through it all
when I want to die and not think at all

She hugs me tight
when I have no idea what to do

She invisions me as a knight
when I can't even help myself

She loves me
And its a lot to think about

Sep 13, 2008

0 Difference

Different Dresses
Drapes her different life

Different perspectives
Shapes her different eyes

And in such differences
There beats a fantasy

A fantasy my heart yearns to be
In such a reality